When Our Minds Fill in the Gaps

First published in the Twizel Update, August 2026.

Our minds don't like missing pieces.

Give them an unanswered message, a passing glance or an unexpected silence, and before long they've often filled in the gaps with a story that feels completely real.

Someone walks past without saying hello, and we wonder if we've done something wrong. A message goes unanswered, and we begin imagining all sorts of reasons why. We receive a brief email, a serious look or an unexpected comment, and before long our minds have connected the dots into a story that feels completely real.

The interesting thing is that we rarely stop to ask whether the story is actually true. Most of the time, we don't even realise we're telling ourselves a story. It simply feels like reality.

Recently, a conversation reminded me of something interesting about the way our minds work. We realised how easy it is to interpret other people's behaviour as confirmation of the doubts we already carry about ourselves. A quiet response, a cancelled meeting or a lack of feedback can somehow become "evidence" that we're not doing well enough. Yet when we spoke about it out loud, it became obvious how quickly our minds had filled in the gaps.

Perhaps you've assumed a friend was upset with you, only to discover they were simply having a difficult week. Or you've worried that someone was judging you, when in reality they were preoccupied with challenges of their own. Maybe you've convinced yourself that a situation would end badly before it had even unfolded.

Our brains are remarkable meaning-making machines. They are constantly trying to make sense of the world by connecting incomplete pieces of information. Most of the time this serves us incredibly well. It's one of the reasons we learn, solve problems and recognise familiar faces so easily.

But occasionally, our brains become a little too helpful.

When information is missing, they don't like leaving the page blank. Instead, they often fill in the gaps with a story that fits our existing beliefs. If we're feeling confident, we might assume everything is fine. If we're feeling uncertain, we may assume the worst. The fascinating part is that the very same situation can be interpreted in completely different ways by two different people.

One of the fascinating things I've been learning recently is that our brains are constantly strengthening the pathways we use most often. The thoughts we return to become easier to think. The stories we tell ourselves become more familiar. In many ways, repetition teaches our brains what to expect.

That doesn't mean every repeated thought is true. It simply means it has become well practised.

I found that both encouraging and humbling.

Encouraging, because it reminds us that our brains remain adaptable throughout life. Humbling, because it made me wonder what stories I might be rehearsing without even realising it.

The encouraging part is that this works both ways.

Just as our minds can become skilled at expecting rejection, criticism or failure, they can also become better at noticing kindness, opportunity and progress. Not because we're pretending difficult things don't exist, but because we're teaching our brains to pay attention to a fuller picture.

Perhaps that's why practices like gratitude, celebrating small wins or deliberately noticing what is going well can become so powerful. They aren't about convincing ourselves that life is perfect. They're about making sure our minds don't become so well practised at spotting problems that they overlook everything else.

I don't believe this means we should ignore genuine concerns or difficult realities. Some situations really are challenging, and some instincts deserve to be listened to. But there is a difference between responding to facts and allowing our minds to quietly fill in the blanks with assumptions that may never have been true in the first place.

Instead of immediately believing every conclusion my mind reaches, perhaps I can become a little more curious.

What else could explain this?

Do I actually know this to be true?

Is there another way of looking at the situation?

Those simple questions create a little space between an event and the story we tell ourselves about it.

Just as we become more thoughtful about the food we eat or the information we consume, it's also worth becoming more aware of the stories we consume inside our own minds. The stories we repeat each day quietly become the lens through which we see the world. If that's true, one question becomes worth asking:

Is this story helping me see more clearly, or is it simply confirming what I already fear?

And if the answer is the latter, we can ask another question.

What else could be true?

Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do isn't to think more positively.

It's simply to become a little more curious.

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Thank you for reading

I hope this article has given you something to think about.

If you'd like to continue exploring, you'll find more reflections in the Articles collection. And if you're curious about the way I work as an Integrative Health Coach, you're warmly invited to explore the rest of my website.